Mike Hynes BSc, RP, Dip.PEB, Member CAPT
An officer on patrol one night sees a man on the ground searching for something beneath a streetlight. He asks “What are you looking for?”
The man replies “I’ve lost my keys, will you help me find them?”
After searching for a while the officer says to the man “They’re not here, are you sure this is where you lost them?”
The man says “No, I lost them back there in the dark, but this is where the light is.”- Rumi
I am a Registered Psychotherapist and a member of the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario. Most people begin therapy in crisis. When life does not make sense, and even friends and family seem unavailable, where can we turn?
Talking to another person helps, especially one who has gone through such crises successfully, and has no demands or expectations to make of us. We need someone to listen deeply and reflectively, someone willing to provide compassionate, honest and tactful feedback. We often need to have an outsider to our lives explain to us, on the basis of what we tell them, the truer shape of events.
When I began as a client myself, I needed to express my true self yet I had to find it first. Grief and anger were huge issues. And I had to learn more about forgiveness and understanding of myself, my parents, and those closest to me.
It seems clear that no amount of searching in the wrong place will solve the problem of the missing keys. If he knew his actions were useless he would have stopped them already. What he needs is new and better patterns.
Having gone through the struggle myself, I can help you identify unproductive patterns in your life and suggest looking in the right area for the solution. Each therapist on this site has something particular to offer. My clients have often told me that I have a knack for helping them ‘make sense of things’ and you may agree with that yourself.
My own studies and interests have led me to emphasize such things as how our own mind-body connection affects the many ways we perceive events and relate to the world. My method of psychotherapy is grounded in thorough knowledge of psychoanalytic and somatic techniques, emotional depth, and a compassionate attitude to life.
You can actually learn to manage many of your learned reaction patterns, and alter them to responses that serve you better by representing your real choices in life. For example, there is merit in anger when it is healthy rather than destructive, just as there is value in assertion compared to entitlement.
Undealt with problems really prevent personal growth and happiness, and can destroy relationships. For example, in one version of the above story the man was drunk and on his way home when he lost the keys. Addiction and the pain it is covering can often cause us to lose our way. And losing our way, or simply not turning up, or turning up late, are socially acceptable excuses to avoid situations that is going to be difficult or uncomfortable.
Ask yourself if this is the time for you to take charge of your life from a more caring place in life, rather than just reacting to pressures on you. How does it sound to you to take a more creative and active role in shaping your existence on this earth, and setting your patterns so you influence your circumstance instead of being a victim to it?
Life at this level can be as simple as managing our emotions so we don’t get too hot or too cold. Regulating our boundaries to provide the optimum balance with intimacy and integrity is a way to positively affect others too.
Psychotherapy at its best can help you to use your experiences as an opportunity for growth and building depth and strength. Meeting life challenges with emotional maturity and personal mastery is the real key to a fully embodied and rewarding life.
I have taught psychology at the University of Toronto. You may also be interested to know that I have appeared on CityPulse News and Breakfast Television as an expert on dreams.
I generally work with clients at my 2nd floor office near Christie and Bloor but also offer online and phone therapy sessions.
Please call to arrange your first appointment and I look forward to hearing from you.
The psychotherapists appearing on this site are independent. They are not employed nor controlled by therapytoronto.ca. therapytoronto.ca is acting solely as a listing service for the convenience of those seeking the services of psychotherapists.